PoohKies

Cute vid of Bentley waiting for his Pooh Cookies

Recipe: use the leftover carrot, green apple and celery pulp after juicing as your base, add some oats, coconut oil, peanut butter and ground flax seeds to make a dough, separate into teeny tiny pug sized treats and bake at a low temp for about 90 minutes to dry it out a little. 

it’s over now

 

The betrayal is churning in my stomach, and I don’t know that I can ever digest it. Will I have to carry this with me until the very end? It seems so unfair, to love someone so exceptionally for the best years of your life, only to learn you weren’t good enough regardless of your very best efforts. I want to say so many things, but what does it matter? Nothing can change the past, it’s over now. Everything I knew to be true is now in question. What stings is that the memories I planned to cherish, the ones that used to make me smile, now hold a different meaning. These memories used to be a blessing, now they just make me feel sick and I wish I never held them in my heart. I hid his face from my photo gallery, it hurts to look at him now. In one night, the history of my life has been revised. My biggest regret is not heeding his warning. He told me at the beginning that he was dark inside. I didn’t believe him then and it was a mistake that I have paid dearly for.

My heart ripped at the seams, I’m done 

I should have known from the start what this all really was 

I can’t eat or sleep or get deep with no one 

I feel so stupid 

I can’t believe I believed 

He ruined everything for me, restaurants and movie screens 

I don’t even know me anymore 

Now I’m never, ever going to trust again

juicer review, not an ad

My cold buster juice recipe: pineapple, oranges, a couple strawberries and some ginger. 

Made with: Nutribullet Slow Juicer

Instagram reel showing me make this juice

Purchased about a year ago now. I saved up for it after having a subpar experience with a cheaper centrifugal juicer at Walmart. I have since learned that slow juicing or masticating juicers are healthier. A centrifugal juicer destroys some of the nutrients because of the high powered spinning, and they usually create too many bubbles. This Nutribullet is a game changer. As long as you fully rinse it off right away, it's very easy to clean. My only issue is that sometimes celery clogs it and that can be messy, but it's an easy fix. 

Pro tip: Save the pulp from this juice in the freezer and use it later to make a smoothie. I would add a chuck of frozen banana and some oat milk. 

I’m grieving

I’m grieving. I’ve loved one man for the past 10 years. We recently agreed it’s best that we end the relationship. There’s too much to unpack, plus it’s very private. I am unable to move past the grief. For the first time in my life I know what it’s like to really have a broken heart. It’s not just mental anguish, there is physical pain. The grief holds me down. My soul feels heavy. My spirit is sad. It’s been almost 2 months since we made this decision and it’s been a roller coaster, each dip going lower than the last. The future holds so much uncertainty now. I need to accept the things I cannot change, count my blessings, and do the best I can. I know. But right now I am just immersed in sorrow and I think I need to sit here for a while. I just need to be sad. I lost someone that I love. the pug yoga videos

It's a privilege to be uncomfortable

 

My friend has no boobs. She had breast cancer, twice. She has to take strong medications and injections every day for the next 5 years. Everyone fears cancer, but her fears are greater than most.

I see a therapist later today because I am overwhelmed with having teenagers in distance learning. My eyelashes are falling out. My rent went up, again. I am recovering from dental surgery and the stitches in my jaw are really bothering me. But I don’t have cancer so what do I have to complain about?

You know what my survivor friend told me? She didn’t say get a mammogram or a checkup, she said, “Take care of your mental health.” That was profound because what else do you really have besides your psychological condition?

My attitude can be pretty awful sometimes. I am not really someone that exudes happiness everywhere I go. But after having covid-19 I noticed that I generally have a more positive outlook. When I received the positive test result, I was most fearful that I would lose the ability to really use my lungs. I am not a marathon runner but I am a big girl who can run a few miles without stopping for a breather. The fear of not being able to breathe well was so great. I took the advice of my sister-in-law and walked every single day while I was sick; even if I had a fever, I would go to my secluded canyon with the dog and walk as much as I could. There was one day when I could only walk for about 10 minutes before I had to go back and rest. I almost passed out. It was difficult but I truly believe that by pushing myself, I saved my lungs from a worse fate. I didn’t lay on my back all day and let my lungs fill with fluid. I am not 100% the same, I still cannot smell anything. I do get winded faster than before, but I know how lucky I am. Every day since, when I wake up I look forward to breathing heavily out on the side of my favorite hill with my dog. I walked over 35 miles last month, not a whole lot but pretty good for someone who had covid. It feels like a privilege to be uncomfortable. I don’t ever want to take anything for granted. This new appreciation for my lung capacity is boosting my positivity.

What are you grateful for? 

Check out Bentley's latest pug yoga adventures... I stretch while he protects me from dangerous things, or just hangs in savasana.  

Pug Yoga Playlist

What exactly is Pug Yoga?

I know my pug does not really do yoga, he just hangs out and acts like a very small security guard that sneezes on everything. But what exactly is Pug Yoga?

Pug yoga means two things to me. One, it is exactly what it sounds like. Yoga with a pug around. Bentley is responsible for getting me outside. Having to walk him forces me to stop and take a moment to JUST BE outside. Have you ever walked a pug? Annoying. Imagine walking backwards in zigzags and circles while stopping to sniff everything twice. Sometimes he just decides to plop down and take a break. Bentley does not care if I have things to do, when he is on the leash, it's his time. If you have ever had a Pug then you know that when a Pug does not want to go somewhere, you are not going anywhere. Usually I just pick him up and carry him. I learned to take Bentley to places where he could roam off-leash and I could get some solitude. We started wandering into San Diego’s open canyon spaces and one day I brought my yoga mat. That is where it all began. It has become a sacred ritual that has done so much for my well-being. I will explain more about that later, but that is the genesis of Pug Yoga.

Secondly, Pug Yoga represents imperfection. A lot of times when people think of Yoga they automatically imagine a fit young supermodel with skin tight pants who can walk on her hands with her feet behind her head while simultaneously meditating and chanting. That is not me. That is not yoga. Yoga is multifaceted, like each one of us. I am not defined by one single area of my life. I am the mother of teen dragons, daughter, sister, caretaker of a pug, yogi, student, health care worker, cashier, driver, cook, friend, lover, maid and the list goes on. Today I am a first time blogger! The reasons why each of us do yoga, or any type of self-care, is different. Reasons can change. Most days I do yoga to combat the effects of chronic sitting. Sometimes I do it to find inner strength or simply to find respite from all the noise. Sometimes to work on my stamina. A lot of times I just lay on the mat and soak in the sunshine while playing with my phone. Practicing yoga does not have to be perfect. You do not have to be thin or as flexible as Gumby. Yoga can teach you how to flow through life gracefully, with reverence and strength, even if you are a Pug and not a Rhodesian Ridgeback. Sometimes when I am in downward dog pose Bentley encroaches on the mat and decides its naptime (Savasana). Sometimes the phone rings and I have to stop. Life is a compilation of interrupted twists and turns, and yoga helps me to be a bit more like a pug and just go with the flow.

Each pug yoga session is unique and full of its own interruptions, distractions, thoughts and scenery. Each sunrise brings new blessings, challenges and emotions. This blog is a way for me to share, express and explore myself and the things that happen around me. If you choose to follow along with Bentley and me, I hope you take away a little bit of pug-inspiration for your own journey around the sun.

Yoga is not about touching your toes, it is what you learn on the way down. ~Jigar Gor

Namaste.

Pug Yoga - This is what I do

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